Resentment

How do I deal with resentment? I mean my own resentment. I started off this morning in a good mood, reading a chapter from Janye's book while the kids were cooperatively getting ready for school. I was all sent for a very productive day. Then my husband decided he needed to worry about what I got accomplished today because, as usual, we need the money.

I know I wasn't as productive as I could have been yesterday but, darn it all, I was exhausted. I don't even know why I was exhausted. I was just plain old tired and I spent the day mostly watching television. I did deliver the newspaper bundles to the carriers as one of  my daily jobs, which only takes about an hour of my time. I did update my sewing website to reflect the recent move of my business to our home. I did check all of our overdrawn accounts and check off which bills got paid and which ones still need to be paid. I did straighten out all the blasted inventory we have stored in our attic. I did complete $65 worth of sewing in about an hour. I do have a lady coming this morning to take a large portion of inventory off my hands. I did take in more sewing projects for customers. But telling him all this would have meant nothing because no actual cash changed hands. I did get resentful and I  simply and rudely told him, "just go to work".

I know he is resentful too but why does he take it out on me. I am doing the best I can, and so is he. I wish I could do more but I can't do it all. He doesn't know that God will provide, we just have to keep working and doing our best and have faith. Things are coming along, slowly but surely. Just because it isn't happening as quickly as he would like doesn't mean it won't get done at all. I really don't know what he wants from me and I am tired of trying to figure it out. I resent having to try and figure it out in the first place. What happened to unconditional love.

I know my actions have put us in this position and for that I am truly sorry, but I am trying to make it right to the best of my ability.

Lord please take this resentment from me so I can be calm and peaceful to do good works not only for you but for my family. Help Barry to see his sins and ask for your forgiveness. I pray he comes to you one day and finally has peace in his heart for you, himself and his family. I pray you also take his resentment away. In your name I pray. Amen